I´ve seen John the Baptıst´s Skull

Please excuse me ıf thıs appears gramatıcally ıncorrect. I can´t fınd the comma key and the I ısnt lowercase unless I press the dıfferent i button whıch I am almost certaınly not goıng to do.

ANZAC Eve at Gallıpolı was absolutely freezıng - as photos of me wearing 7 layers a
skı jacket and a sleepıng bag wıll attest. It was a pretty amazıng nıght and the dawn servıces ın the mornıng were amazıng. It seemed somewhat strange that everyone gets so patrıcotıc about a war ın whcıh we were essentıally tools of Empıre. It is ıncredıbly movıng from a cultural perspectıve though. And ıf one more Amerıcan says ´that Australıan thıng´about ANZAC I am goıng to start referrıng to ´that Hawaıı thıng´and see how they lıke them apples. Lots of other thoughts on thıs that can´t be expressed wıthout approprıate comma key.

Other thıngs ın Turkey:
1. Blue Mosque - photo opportunıty ruıned by badly placed strıngs. Stıll amazıng.
2. Bad hostels wıth holes ın the wall
3. The Topkapı Palace - I have now seen John the Baptıst´s head and hand bones. The hand stıll had tendons. Oh - and the palace was generally pretty ımpressıve. A lot of ınvestment ın *blıng* ın the Ottoman Empıre.
4. Sofıa - an amazıng ex-catholıc church that was converted ınto a mosque and ıs now secularç In honesty the Catholıcs dıd a better job of decoratıng. Although perhaps there was an over relıance on mosaıcs.
5. Eatıng more meat on stıcks than my actual body weıght.
6. Bus trıp wıth drunk Kıwı boy who seemed to only be able to yell ´Jane´ sporadıcally.
7. Phosphorous cruıse ın whıch one bank of the rıver ıs Europe and the other ıs Asıa.
8. Hotel dısasters. Partıal tour refund. Skanky ´bellydancers´ that were more realıstıcally strıppers. Angry comment to tour company about female empowerment and supportıng exploıtatıon of local women.
9. Gettıng groped on the Metro all the damned tıme.

Anyway - nıght bus to Sofıa tonıght where I wıll be checkıng out the sıghts of Bulgarıa. Woot!

Next Bit

I'm going elsewhere now folks.

London has been amazing. But it's time to go somewhere I can only communicate through hand gestures and speaking louder.


I'm catching a cab at 4:30am on Wednesday. To go to Terminal 5. There is nothing positive in that sentence.

Going To The Chapel for £50,000

If, at any future time, I decide that I am giving up on whatever I have said about the state of holy matrimony previously, and as a result of this I for some reason decide to get married, please remind me that I do not want any of my guests to dress up as fairies or Mickey Mouse.

I just mention this because, if I did decide to get married my brain may have melted and it might have turned me into one of these people:

http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,2272085,00.html

I am also just going to put it out there - you're my friends, I love you, but if you have theme weddings, do not request that I wear anything 'prince charming blue'. It will mean that the only theme I will be inclined to adhere to is black wearing, gin swilling harpy searching for the free booze.

I think I might be sick...

http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/food/story/0,,2272815,00.html

Sadly, I have actually walked passed the one in Nottingham.

you know, I can't help but think that the guys who go to these things are just really, really pathetic. And perhaps the reason they can't get real women to talk to them is because they go to Hooters?

And another thing...

Also, it snowed on Sunday.
I got overexcited because the view from my bedroom window was adoreable.
This time last year we were sitting in the sun, before the onset of the summer that flooded.

Snow is ace until it starts messing with the public transport system.

No Hawkers or Campbells

Where: Scotland. Edinburgh, Highland Tour, Isle of Skye
When: Easter Long Weekend.
Who: Me, Lib, Wild In Scotland Tour Group
How: Plane, bus


11 Things I Like About Scotland
1. Too cool for school tour guides who know everything about Scottish politics and history. Who also say things like 'I studied politics because it just means you can argue all the time over nothing. Which I love.' Best tour guide I've ever had for anything.

2. Mountains and snow that look EXACTLY like the you expect them to, but are still amazing. I especially loved Glen Coe (where I managed to fall over and crack my knee on a giant rock inducing a massive amount of pain and swelling that is still continuing. This is exactly why I don't hike. I also blame the American boys for it, who I will continue to complain about below). Glen Coe is said to mean Valley of Weeping - the story about it is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massacre_of_Glencoe but the important thing to note is that when it rains, the water spills down the side of the mountains, into the valley. And it really does look like a flood of tears. It appeals to the romantic in me.

3. Drinking Whiskey.

4. Loch Ness, even though I can't skim stones and didn't see a monster. It's amazing. It's also the biggest fresh water lake in Europe. So now I have seen the biggest fresh water body in the world/Asia and the biggest in Europe. Maybe it could become the theme of my trip?!?!?

5. The 5 Sisters of Kintail. The story of the Five Sisters is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sgurr_Fhuaran. In essence, 5 sisters were turned into mountains so that they would remain eternally beautiful while waiting for their husbands to arrive (from Ireland, which they never did. Maybe they also had trouble at Terminal 5). Apparently, the spell will be broken when an Irish man stands on each of the peaks (I smell a Mythbusters...). Apparently it is said that when the peaks are covered in snow, as they were when we saw them, it means that they are dressed in the bridal gowns. I could write an essay on sexism in Scottish Folk law, but Lib already told me to lighten the f*ck up when I was lecturing her about women's issues after hearing the story of the female warrior giant (tamed by love).

6. Prophecy Stones. Derived from this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brahan_Seer We hunted for them on the beach on the Isle of Skye. While it was snowing. This is also where it was proved that Lib and I were the only people who were wearing appropriate clothing for the conditions. Oh yes. We are the outdoorsy type. With waterproof shoes, waterproof jackets and proper attire.


7. Edinburgh. The Castle, the beauty, the freezing cold (colder in Scotland in March than it is in Siberia. I swear to God).

8. Ballboy.

9. Surprisingly, Easy Jet letting us back on an earlier flight so we were well rested for work the next day. Remind me I said this at some point when I am cursing budget airlines name.

10. Hunting for Easter eggs in a fairy cove on Easter Sunday.

11. Hairy Coos.


4 Things I Don't Like About Scotland
1. American boys who are on your tour and proceed to not wash up, drink people's booze, not help with cooking, wear impractical clothing, behavie anti socially, call their mum via laptop complete with a video camera when everyone else is drinking, say things like 'my girlfriend, almost fiancee' and generally behave in a brattish manner AND THEN when we decided to give the remaining kitty money to the tour leader as a tip (rather than mess around with trying to distribute a measly £4.33 to everyone on the bus) they get dropped off and ask for their bit back because they were too pathetic not to speak up in a group and were CLEARLY NOT WELL SOCIALISED.

2. Pretending not to work for the bank that built the bridge that everyone hates. Though perhaps this is not specifically Scotland's fault.

3. Losing my beanie when it was FREEZING.

4. Messing up the hostel booking and arriving on Easter Friday to discover that you have no bed. Again, perhaps not Scotland's fault. Almost would have preferred to sleep in the street instead of in long term all boy's dorm. Bleh.

Any questions?